before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She's the barista slut.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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