I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
