My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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