none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
