i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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