"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize