I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
