I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
