I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
