I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
