They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
