I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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