Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
