i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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