I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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