it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
