u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
