How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
