Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
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Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
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Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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