I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
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