just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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