I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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