so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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