I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
