Michael Bay diarrhea
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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