i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
