Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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