We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just pee around me
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Randomize
