actually, I'm a sock model
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
