well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize