That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
