alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
