Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
