Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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