fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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