I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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