i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
