nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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