just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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