And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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