the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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