we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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