You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
