somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
