And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
