the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
