How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
