My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
