dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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