Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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