Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
