just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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