im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
