I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
