The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
