I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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