This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
