Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
