You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
