We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
