and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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