shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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