I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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