I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
