I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
