I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
