i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
