Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
