I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
