a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
