Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
