I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
