I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
