My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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