Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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