Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
