There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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