Have you finally orgasmed yet?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
