You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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