My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
