the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
