i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
